Weird Science: Fanfiction
Season 6, Episode 16:
"Lisa Warrior Princess"
"You make man…"
Gary and Wyatt look at each other as the Weird Science song starts, showing the following scenes (note- 'S6!' means a new scene from season 6):
-The keyboard 'Enter' button is pressed
-Weird Science logo
-Lightning strikes the house
-View of Lisa, moving up
-Gary and Wyatt travel through the dream gate
-Bazooka boys forming
-Gary's poet within is zapped out right next to him
-With Lisa, Gary, and Wyatt in the background, Chett does the disco dance of innocence and his arm flies off
-Lisa blows magic kiss to Wyatt
Michael Manasseri clips
-Old West Wyatt gets pulled through the time warp
-(S6!) Falls down into an island lagoon
-Turns into nightmare id monster
-Head gets pulled off
-(S6!) In pajamas, with wet hair, gets zapped by Lisa into day clothes and dry hair
John Mallory Asher clips
-(S6!) Swings a frustrated fist in a black and white scene
-(S6!) About to bite an apple as it gets zapped into a remote control
-Lisa's finger touches his head, zapping him a super large brain
-Beams down inside Farber High with Tetrahydrozaline
Lee Tergeson clips
-Playing the piano on Groundhog Day
-Buccaneer hat placed on his head zaps him into the Pirate King
-Fighting Principal Scampi as the room flashes with yellow electricity
-(S6!) As suited Principal, gets face slapped
-Jumps down from ceiling as secret agent wearing black outfit
Vanessa Angel clips
-(S6!) Wearing a Scooby Doo T-shirt on a tropical island, zaps up a compass in her hand
-Carefully enters a dark cave, carrying a 'light saber' glowing stick
-Tiger on grave morphs into Lisa wearing a tiger-print dress
-Wearing glasses and suit disguised as a school teacher
-Large grinning close-up
- Gary and Wyatt in tuxedoes rocket up wearing jetpacks - Lisa, Gary, Wyatt, and Chett are all wearing earphones, singing around a microphone - (S6!) Lisa with her arms around Gary and Wyatt, zaps them and all 3 disappear - Black & white Dr. Frankenstein "She's alive! Alive!"
Chett grabs the six-pack of sodas, and Wyatt grabs the big bowl of popcorn as they head to the couch.
LISA WARRIOR PRINCESS
Chett: (tossing Wyatt the sodas) Heads up, squirt!
Wyatt: (catches the sodas, though barely) Oaf! What's---
He is suddenly cut off as Chett decides to vault over the couch. Of course, he misses,and kicks about half the popcorn to the floor.
Wyatt: (chuckles, reaching for some of the remaining popcorn) Way to go, Mr. Smooth.
Chett: (shrugs, and grins wickedly at him) Just glad you like this show...
Wyatt: (confused, speaking slowly) Why?
Chett: Well... weren't you the one who turned down Lisa on that island?
Wyatt: (sighs heavily & shakes his head in exasperation) You gonna let that go?
Chett: (snickers) Probably not.
Wyatt: Chett, she was under a spell... it wouldn't've been fair...
Chett: (genuinely confused) Why not?
Wyatt gives his brother a disgusted look, and opens his mouth to answer, but is cut off when Gary bounces in the door.
Gary: Hey, did I miss it?
Wyatt: Nah, just about to start.
They all sat on the couch, eyes glued to the screen as the theme music for "Xena, Warrior Princess" comes on. Lisa came in with Gosalyn, and made a face at the screen.
Chett: (through a mouthful of popcorn) How can you not like this?
Lisa: I don't not like it; but that Hercules show is waaaay better!
Gary: They crossover characters all the time. Not a big difference.
Lisa: Trust me. Kevin Sorbo, Micheal Hurst...(sighs)
Chett: (scoffs) You call those sissies men? Now, Xena... THAT is a woman.
Lisa: (annoyed) Oh, really?
Chett: (obvilious) Oh, yeah.
Wyatt looks up and gets slightly apprehensive as he sees the look Lisa is giving Chett. Her arms are folded, and her eyes and expression give new meaning to the term, "if looks could kill". Only, with Lisa, that may actually be possible...
Wyatt: (apprehensively) Uh, Chett?
Chett: (waving him off) Not now...Whoa! Would you check out Xena on the horse?
Suddenly, there is a blue lightening-bolt, and they are zapped out of the room!
Fade out for first commercial break.
Fade back in as they are picking themselves off the ground and dusting themselves off. To their shock, they are no longer in the living room, but rather in an open forest-type place. To add to their shock, they can see that they are not dressed in their real clothes, rather costumes of a sort. Lisa is dressed as Xena, Gosalyn as Gabrielle, Gary as Salmoneous, Wyatt as Iolaus, and Chett as Hercules!
Chett: What did you do?
Lisa: (feigning innocence) Me? Why must you always assume it's me when something weird happens?
Chett: You see any other genies around here?
Gary: (whining) How come they got the costume with pants, and I have to wear this tunic?
Chett: (smirking) Because we're men.
And, they start walking forward...
Gary: (shrugs) Oh, well I guess that---HEY!
Flash to a couple of hours later, when they are walking along a dusty path.
Wyatt: (to Gary) Why are you acting like a cheap salesman?
Gary: Just trying to get into my character.
Lisa: But, do you have to whine so much?
Gary: Would you look at this butterball belly you zapped me? You'd be whining too!
Suddenly, a familiar-looking guy with dark hair & a green suit fell out of the tree!
Autolycus: (grinning) Well, hello there.
Autolycus: (insulted) Chett, you know me! I'm Autolycus, the king of thieves!
Lisa: What d'ya take us for, buddy?
Autolycus: (nudging Wyatt in the ribs) Say, Curly, what's with them?
Wyatt: Uh... too much sun?
Autolycus: (nods) Ah... yes, that makes sense...
Gary: Uh, can we eat now?
Autolycus: (enthusiastically) Excellent suggestion, my tubby friend.
Gary: (indignant squeak) Tubby?! Th... these robes are very big!
Autolycus: (raising his eybrows) Okay... if you say so... the serving wenches are very lovely there...
Chett: (face lighting up) Hmmm... this place may not be so bad after all...
Flash to the tavern.
Lisa: Uh, Gene?
Autolycus: (annoyed) AUTOLYCUS.
Lisa: Okay, okay, "Autolycus". Can you get us some drinks?
Autolycus: Isn't that what the ser---
Lisa: (fixing him with a hooded gaze) Yes, but... you can tell them we want something...
Autolycus: Uh... sure...(gets up & goes)
Gosalyn: Does this mean you have powers, Chett?
Gosalyn: Well... if you're supposed to be like Hercules...
Wyatt: Give it a go, Chett.
Chett gets up from the table & lifts the entire bar over his head!
Autolycus: Eh, stop showin' off!
Chett just shrugs and drops the bar down, unfortunately not quite as gently as the now disheveled-looking bartender would have preferred. He sat down with the rest for their first round. Finishing his first, Wyatt got up to go to the bar and gets another. Unfortunately, on the way back, he bumped into a huge mountain of a man, spilling it all over him.
Wyatt: Oh, man... I'm sorry...
Natulus: (growling) you should be, shrimp! (Shoves him hard)
Chett: (coming up, annoyed) He said he was sorry; just leave it at that, huh?
Man: Well, the shrimp should have thought of that before he bumped into me. Now I demand the satisfaction of a fight.
The man reaches for Wyatt, but Chett pulls him out of the way, and shoves the man.
Chett: (evenly) You don't want this fight; stay away from my little brother.
Man: Ah, I see that you are looking for a fight as well...
The man makes a motion, and about 9 other guys, around his stature, came up behind him.
Man: Meet MY little brothers...
Natulus: Let's get 'em, boys!
They all spread out for the fight, getting into their stances.
Gary: (stage whispering) Are you guys insane?
Wyatt: Relax, Gar... if Chett was zapped Hercules' abilites, then the rest of us were zapped the abilities of the characters we were zapped into, too.
Gary: (annoyed, but still whispering) I was zapped into Salmoneus!
Wyatt: Oh, yeah... (gives him a once-over) Uh... hide.
The fight starts suddenly. Lisa looks as if something just dawned on her, and she jumps up, somersaulting through the air, and gives the yell like Xena. She lands, planting her feet firmly in some guy's chest, knocking him over.
Flash to Chett who's having the time of his life, easily picking up guys and tossing them around.
Flash to Wyatt who looks as if he's having fun as well, fighting beside Chett.
Flash to Gary who is not enoying the fight and is running around scared. One guy finally has him cornered, but Gosalyn takes her walking-staff & knocks him behind the knees, tripping him over. Gary takes this opportunity to conk him out with the vase, and gives Gosalyn a high-five. He then decides that he & Gos should team up for the rest of the fight.
Flash to Autolycus who's now teaming up with the rest, swinging from chandeliers and such. Deciding that the fight has gone on long enough, Chett grabs Wyatt and uses him to swing around, knocking guys left and right, so Lisa zaps her chakram hanging from her belt, and tosses it. It rounds up the men, ties them up, and flies back to her.
Lisa: Let's go.
Flash to the next day, and another dusty road they are all walking on. A frightened-looking man suddenly approaches them.
Retolcus: Oh, thanks to the heavens! Chett and Lisa! The demi-god and warrior princess!
Chett: Who're you?
Retolcus: I am Retolcus, and my village needs your help!
Autolycus: And, what do we get in return for helping?
Retolcus: Oh, I am sorry, we come from such a poor village...
Wyatt: (elbowing Autolycus) That's okay, Retolcus. We'll help you.
Retolcus: (excitedly) You will?
Chett: We will?
Wyatt: (looking at Chett admonishingly) Of course!
Retolcus: Come, let me lead you to my village!
Gary: You nuts, Wy?
Wyatt: Relax, Gar... We've got the fighting abilities of these characters as long as we're here; not to mention no one knows we have a genie...
Chett: Relax, Wallace... (Alluding to the bar-fight) You could always get Gos to protect you again...
Gary: Yeah, I guess--- Hey!
Chett smirks at him and snickers.
Cut to them approaching the village. They see that it is desolate, and pretty-much charred.
Lisa: Whoa! Somebody been playing with matches or what?
Retolcus: Actually, (gestures towards a shadow) it's a local gang, ... huge, mountainous men... pick fights for no reason...
Autolycus: (suddenly having a sinking feeling of dread) Uh... how many of them did you say there were?
Retolcus: 30. 10 of them are actually brothers... Why?
Gary: (trying [but failing]to hide his fear) Uh, no reason... Would you excuse us a minute?
They go to conference out of earshot.
Gary: These are the yokels from the bar!
Autolycus: I think so, too... We'll never beat them!
Gosalyn: We got 'em in the bar. What's the problem?
Wyatt: We only got about a third of 'em, kiddo.
Gary: We'll never be able to get the rest of the gang...Not if they're all as big as the guys from the bar.
Lisa: Don't sweat it, guys... We've been in tougher fixes before, huh?
Wyatt: Well, she's got a point... something good usually comes along to save us.
Suddenly, they are shaken by the thunderous approach of hoofbeats, as the gang in its entirety comes riding up.
Chett: (nervously) that "somethin' good"... uh, when exactly do you think it'll be here?
Fade out for the second commercial break.
Fade back in to the same scene. Gary is cowering behind Lisa, and Gosalyn is looking up in open-mouthed shock at the large crowd.
Lisa: What a gyp! We didn't have any time to get ready!
Autolycus: (pointedly) Gonna tell them that?
Wyatt: Gary, get Gosalyn out of here.
Gary: (lifting her up) K. I'll meet you guys after?
Gosalyn: No! (Grabs Wyatt's vest) You guys need all the help you can get!
Lisa: Well, she has a point...
Chett: You are NOT helping!
Gosalyn: You really think you can do this without Gary and me?
Chett & Wyatt exchange glances and shakes their heads.
Chett: Well... she's got that walking-staff for a weapon...
Wyatt: (reulnctantly) Stick close, huh?
The men dismount their horses, and the one who wanted to fight Wyatt in the tavern comes up to the front.
Natulus: Well... looks like we have a chance for retribution after all.
Chett: (grinning cockily) We kicked your butts in the bar, what makes you think you stand a chance now?
Natulus: (condesendingly) We brought 20 more men with us this time.
Chett: Ah... good point.
Wyatt: (nervously) Uh, Lis?
Wyatt: (semi-frantically, trying desperately to stay calm, but figiting) Any ideas?
Lisa looks as if she's pondering for a moment, and then she zaps them into a house inside the village.
Gary: (looks around, and slumps down miserably) They're just gonna find us.
Lisa: (sarcastically) Well, thank you little Merry Sunshine! I happen to have more of a plan than just this!
Chett: (leaning on a pillar & crossing his arms) Really? What is it?
Lisa: Um... we... um... we need to prepare for battle!
Lisa looks as if she's thinking again and then zaps some weapons into a corner.
Lisa: (self-satisfiedly, rubbing her hands together) Yep, yep, yep... let's get ready!
They rush to prepare for battle to the tune of "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" by Pat Benetar. They start polishing and trying to "ready" the weapons. Chett checks and loads a crossbow with extreme expertise, and Wyatt is polishing a sword. Gary tries to test the sharpness of a sword like they do on TV by sliding his finger across the side, and cuts himself. Chett shakes his head at him and snatches the sword away as he is sucking on his finger. Later, Gosalyn and Lisa are making "pepper bombs", while Gary is trying to see if he can shoot an arrow. The bow breaks, and Chett shakes his head at him again, and again snatches the weapon away. Autolycus is showing Retolcus how to use the shield, and Wyatt is loading something. Gary ties a slingshot together properly, and demonstrates that it works with a triumphant look on his face. Chett smiles and nods at him, but then still snatches the weapon away.
After the music is over, they are still polishing up the weapons, when there is a knock at the door.
Retolcus: Who is it?
The others exchange worried glances, and try to shush Retolcus.
Natulus: It's Natulus, you fool!
Chett: Great goin', Ricloa!
Retolcus: (miffed) It's Retolcus! And, how was I supposed to know?
Chett looks as if he's gonna strangle him, but Wyatt puts a calming hand on his forearm.
Wyatt: We haven't got time, Chett.
Chett: (calming down slightly) Yeah, you're right, Wy... (Points a warning finger at Retolcus) But, if we die, I'm gonna stomp your butt!
Retolcus looks at him, confused.
Natulus: Come out, or we'll burn you out!
Shrugging, they realize that they have no choice but to do as he says... for the moment anyway...
Natulus: The great Chett and Lisa... and even their sidekicks... to think, our gang shall be able to say that we defeated you... something not even Hera could do!
Gosalyn: You haven't defeated us yet!
Natulus: (defensively) I was just getting to that!
Wyatt: (as if something just dawned on him) Why?
Natulus: (annoyed) Why what?
Wyatt: What's the big deal about defeating us... just curious, mind you... But, bad guys always want to defeat the heroes. Why?
Natulus: (sputtering) W-why it would be a feat unsurpassed... it would keep you from foiling our plans... it... HEY! I don't have to answer to you!
Wyatt: (gesturing to Autolycus as if they were on "The Price is Right") Um, we have here with us the king of thieves... Why don't you answer to hi---
Autolycus: (melodramatically, falling to his knees and clutching at his hair) All right, all right, I admit it! I'm Gene! (miserably) I'm Gene!
Lisa: (smacks him on the arm) I knew it! What are you doing here, anyway?
Autolycus/Gene: (rubbing his arm & getting up) I... Well, I had to do somethin' after we broke it off...
Chett: (shrugs) Well... at least he picked a better show than 90210 or somethin'... That one's REALLY gone downhill since---
Gary: Are you nuts? What about Steve and Janet? You can always fast-forward the rest...
Chett: (stubbornly) Nope; it's sucked ever since Brenda and Dylan broke up.
Gary: (gasps, and speaks in a hurt, whining tone) But... but... I watch it every week!
Chett: My point exactly!
Gary: What's that supposed to mean?
Natulus: (interupting, annoyed) What in blazes are you two idiots blathering about?
Chett & Gary: (indignantly) IDIOTS?!
Gene: (nervously, speaking as if he's pulling a con) This ain't real; it's just a TV show!
Natulus: (confused) TV show?
Gene: (triumphantly) Yes... this isn't real; you don't really wanna fight us---
Natulus: I'll show you how "real" this is, impudent---
Lisa: (sighs, fed up) You, sir, are faced with 2 real, live, genies, who will kick your butt from here to Christmas!
Natulus: (scoffs) Really? I'd just like to see you tr---
Suddenly, Lisa & Gene at the same time zap Natulus and his gang, sending them flying away screaming.
Chett: See... told ya it'd be a piece of cake...
Gary, Wyatt, and Lisa give Chett a "look" as the scene fades out for the final commercial break...
Fade back in as they are back in the living room, back in their own clothes.
Gary: Oh, man... I'll bet Tetra missed me!
Gary: Oh, yeah! I'll bet she's all over me when I get home!
Suddenly, the phone rings.
Wyatt: Hello? Oh, hi Tetra... Yeah, right here... Okay, hang on a sec.. (Handing Gary the phone) It's for you.
Gary: (cheerfully) Oh, hi, honey...(apprehensively) Wha-what do you mean, "Where in the heck have I been for the past two days?"
Developed in Association With:
w w w . W e i r d S c i e n c e . N e t
©1999. Subject to all rights of St. Clare Entertainment, Universal Studios and USA Network in "Weird Science" and derivative works. No claim is made to the name "Weird Science," and to names and characterizations used in the series. One copy may be made for personal use from this website (that is, downloading it and reading it at one's leisure. That copy may not be retransmitted to other persons or sites. This story may not be copied in whole or in part for commercial use or for posting on newsgroups and websites. Nor may it be archived without the author's and/or WeirdScience.Net!'s consent, and especially not sold in any way, shape or form without express written permission.