Weird Science: Fanfiction

TV PG

Season 6, Episode 12:
"Forged Relations (Part 1 of 2)"

"You make man…"
"No, Woman."
"Woman?"

Gary and Wyatt look at each other as the Weird Science song starts, showing the following scenes (note- 'S6!' means a new scene from season 6):

-The keyboard 'Enter' button is pressed
-Weird Science logo
-Lightning strikes the house
-Lisa created
-View of Lisa, moving up
-Gary and Wyatt travel through the dream gate
-Bazooka boys forming
-Catwoman Lisa
-Gary's poet within is zapped out right next to him
-With Lisa, Gary, and Wyatt in the background, Chett does the disco dance of innocence and his arm flies off
-Lisa blows magic kiss to Wyatt

Michael Manasseri clips
-Old West Wyatt gets pulled through the time warp
-(S6!) Falls down into an island lagoon
-Turns into nightmare id monster
-Head gets pulled off
-(S6!) In pajamas, with wet hair, gets zapped by Lisa into day clothes and dry hair

John Mallory Asher clips
-(S6!) Swings a frustrated fist in a black and white scene
-(S6!) About to bite an apple as it gets zapped into a remote control
-Lisa's finger touches his head, zapping him a super large brain
-Beams down inside Farber High with Tetrahydrozaline

Lee Tergeson clips
-Playing the piano on Groundhog Day
-Buccaneer hat placed on his head zaps him into the Pirate King
-Fighting Principal Scampi as the room flashes with yellow electricity
-(S6!) As suited Principal, gets face slapped
-Jumps down from ceiling as secret agent wearing black outfit

Vanessa Angel clips
-(S6!) Wearing a Scooby Doo T-shirt on a tropical island, zaps up a compass in her hand
-Carefully enters a dark cave, carrying a 'light saber' glowing stick
-Tiger on grave morphs into Lisa wearing a tiger-print dress
-Wearing glasses and suit disguised as a school teacher
-Large grinning close-up

- Gary and Wyatt in tuxedoes rocket up wearing jetpacks - Lisa, Gary, Wyatt, and Chett are all wearing earphones, singing around a microphone - (S6!) Lisa with her arms around Gary and Wyatt, zaps them and all 3 disappear - Black & white Dr. Frankenstein "She's alive! Alive!"

 

Scene opens to the Farber High gymnasium, where the entire school is gathered. Gary sits down next to Wyatt, who is wearing a baseball cap backwards.

FORGED RELATIONS (PART 1)

Suddenly the cap starts to shake, getting both boys’ attention; Wyatt removes it and looks at the front ‘Farber Buccaneers’ emblem. The design’s character is none other than a 2-inch Lisa dressed in a pirate outfit.

Lisa: (Moving about in the emblem) Avast, matie Wyatt!

Wyatt: (Whispering) What do you want, Lis? The assembly’s about to start.

Written by:
Meesum Abidi (J.L.)

Lisa: (In a pirate voice) But I cannot see! (Points her sword ahead) Forward to port the cap shall be!

Gary: (Smiles at the cap in Wyatt’s hands) Nice accent. But I think front is called ‘Starburst’ in pirate-talk.

Wyatt: (Puts cap back on, forwards) That’s ‘Starboard’. (Gives Gary a puzzled look) I think?

Chett steps up to the microphone in front.

Chett: Students, teachers, and staff. As the season’s football tournament is about to start, let Coach Morgan tell us more about the upcoming event. (Motions to the coach)

Coach: (Steps up) Thank you, Principal Donnelly. (Turns to the school) You all know how much this tournament means to Farber, but I always stress to the team the importance of enjoying the game…

Chett: (Cuts in) What? You’re still going on with that ‘How you play the game’ garbage?! Winning is all that counts. No wonder we lose so many games!

Just then a proper older figure walks up.

Older Man: Nonsense! Sportsmanship should always be promoted. (Points his finger at Chett) You should set a better example.

Chett: (Defiant) Oh yeah? And just who are you, Pansy-Pants?

Older Man: (Commanding voice) I’m Doctor Willard, from the school board executive committee!

Chett gulps and looks scared in front of the school, while Gary and Wyatt look surprised among the other students.

Lisa: (On Wyatt’s cap. Shocked) Yikes, Matie!!

Cut to Chett in his office, packing his personal belongings in a box. Guardian Scampi shows up.

Scampi: Chester, what is going on?

Chett: (Looks up at Scampi) I just got upstaged in front of the school by Dr. Schiller.

Scampi: You mean (looks shocked) Dr. Willard?!

Chett: That’s the guy. (Worried) He told me after the assembly that my credentials as Principal are more than questionable, and that the school board is meeting tomorrow for a command decision. (Depressed) Face it, my case is a joke, they’re sure to give me the boot. (Grabs the compact printer and puts it in his box) I’m getting while the getting’s good.

Scampi: (Sympathetic) Oh, Chester, (looks at the printer) that’s school property!

Chett: I know. I lost Wyatt’s printer in a poker game, so this one will come in handy.

Scampi: (Recomposes himself) Despite overwhelming odds, I had always dreamed that you'd follow in my footsteps and become Principal. Fortunately for you, I had the foresight to write an extensive recommendation letter for the job.

Chett: (Surprised) What, you serious? You're not yankin' my leg, are you?

Scampi: No Chester, it's for real. You'll find it in the filing cabinet in the folder marked 'W'. (Adds) For 'Wishful'.

Chett: (Finds file) Holy Monkeys, Scampi, this is incredible! I mean (shows respect)...Guardian Scampi. (Starts reading it) I can't believe it!

Scampi: (Glib) Hard lessons have been learned by ordinary men who have mistakenly under-estimated my superb visionary skills, heh-heh. (Smirks) Even I have been captured by my astounding abilities.

Chett: (Sarcastic attitude) Well while you were busy (with effort) ASTOUNDING yourself, (holds up the recommendation papers) you forgot to sign the stupid thing!!

Scampi: (Embarrassed) Yes, ahem. Well you see the, uh...PEN wasn't...

Chett: Save the fake-hairbrained excuses, Scampi!

Scampi: Look, you can still salvage the opportunity, here. Simply forge my signature! Heh-heh, (with a naïve smile) how hard can that be?

The screen fades out for the episode's first break.

 

The screen fades into the Principal’s office where Chett is writing on some scrap paper. Guardian Scampi watches nearby, and the clock behind him reads 5:15.

Chett: Okay…voila! (Holds up some scribbled writing) Wat-cha think?

Scampi: Umm…(hesitates) not very legible, even for my signature. Try again, son.

Cut to Chett finishing his second attempt. The clock reads 5:30.

Chett: (Shows Scampi the paper) How about now?

Scampi: (Shakes his head) Still doesn’t resemble my signature (points to a picture on the wall, of Farber High’s staff, signed by all). This time focus, Chester.

Cut to a close-up shot of Chett’s face. He’s gritting his teeth, grimacing, and grunting as he seems to be focusing a great deal of effort on his desk below him. The clock reads 5:45.

Chett: (Get’s up abruptly) Finally, I got it! (Holds up a mechanical pencil, with the newly inserted lead sticking out) This outta do the trick. That pen was just cramping my style.

Chett crumples the written-on scrap paper, tosses it aside, grabs a clean sheet, and begins signing. Scampi looks patiently nearby, then turns to face the clock.

Cut to a shot of Chett’s desk, littered with 3 balls of crumpled paper. An outer zoom reveals a dozen more scattered across the floor. The clock reads 7:15.

Chett: (Finishes another attempt) Ok, Guardian (unenthused) is this one good enough for ya?

Scampi: (Looks at page) No…no it’s way off! For instance, that ‘P’ needs more of a curve; it looks almost crooked.

Chett: That’s not a ‘P’, it’s a ‘T’!

Scampi: What?! (Outraged) There is no ‘T’ in ‘Scampi’!! (Regains his composure) Oh it’s no use. It appears I’m the only one who can sign my name like that.

Chett: Or maybe (with a pensive look on his face) I just need a little help…

Cut to inside the Donnelly residence. Lisa, Gary, and Wyatt are playing cards in the family room.

Wyatt: Your turn Gary.

Gary: No, I think it’s Lisa’s turn. Besides, this is a dumb game.

Lisa: Is not! Your just bummed because you’re losing.

Wyatt: (To Gary) So how come Tetra didn’t come?

Gary: She’s hanging around with my mother. You know, (gestures his hand in the air) ‘bonding night’ for the Wallace women.

Lisa: Ok Gary, (Holds up her cards facing her) 3 of clubs?

Gary: Go-fish.

Lisa: (Excited) Yoo-hoo! I win! (Zaps her cards and throws them into the air, as they let off fireworks near the ceiling)

Wyatt: No, actually that means you lose.

Lisa: What? (Turns to Gary) You’re right, this is a dumb game!

Just then, Chett runs into the house.

Chett: (Almost hysterical) Lisa, Lisa! You’ve gotta help me forge Scampi’s signature! Dr. Schiller…

Lisa: Slow down, Beagle-Boy! (Zaps a muzzle around Chett’s face) Why would I help you in the first place?

Chett: (Calms down and detaches muzzle) Cause if you don’t, Dr. Schiller’s gonna fire me.

Wyatt: You mean Dr. Willard?

Chett: Yeah, yeah, that’s the guy.

Gary: Let me get this straight. If Lisa doesn’t help, you won’t be able to bully us around as our principal? Like when you threatened my grades and almost made sure I wouldn’t graduate with Wyatt? (Sarcastically) Gee, I’m really sold!

Chett: (Desperately) Come on, don’t do it for me, do it for my father.

Lisa: You mean Guardian Scampi?

Chett: (Sincerely) No I mean Wayne Donnelly. (Looks at Wyatt) Dad. (Looks down on the floor then back at everyone) Ever since I became principal and made something of myself, he’s been really proud of me. Heh, (Chuckles honestly) it’s the first time ever.

Lisa: (Sympathetic) Oh, that’s so touching. (Turns to Gary)

Gary: (Raises his finger in protest) Listen, it’s just that…(pauses, then lowers his hand) Aw, nuts. Lisa, help him out.

Chett: Thanks guys, you won’t be sorry! (To Lisa) All you’ve gotta do is get Scampi to sign his name and we’re home free.

Lisa: (Looks up, thinking) A ghost’s signature? I got it! (To Gary and Wyatt) Strap on your seat belts, boys; this’ll be a doozy!

Lisa zaps Gary, Wyatt, and herself and in a flash they’re wearing costumes complete with equipment. ‘Ghostbusters’ music starts playing in the background as the screen zooms and moves up on their black boots, gray coveralls, ecto-plasmic rifles, and utility backpacks.

Wyatt: (Looks at their costumes) Hey, this is neat! (Grabs gun, makes a ready stance) ‘Who you gonna call?’!

Gary: Wicked! (Reaches to undo his shoulder straps) Although this backpack weighs like a…(huffs) ton of bricks. (Releases the harness, dropping the backpack behind the couch with a heavy thud)

Chett: Are you nuts? You’re supposed to help a ghost not kill him!

Lisa: (Loses her smile) Oops! My mix-up. (Zaps the costumes away, returning them to their normal clothes)

Gary: (Looks around for something) Hey, where’d that music go?!

Chett: Can you get serious, here?

Lisa: (Cheerful) No worries! Time for plan B. (Zaps them and all 4 disappear)

The screen fades out for the episode's second break.

 

The screen fades in to show Lisa, Gary, Wyatt, and Chett in the Farber principal’s office.

Wyatt: So where is Scampi?

Scampi: (Walks in through the wall) That’s Guardian Scampi, now!

Everyone gets startled.

Gary: Man! That wall phasing sure sends a chill up my spine!

Wyatt: (Picks up typed papers from the desk) So these are the recommendation letters? (Looks up at Scampi) How can we get you to sign this?

Lisa: (Calmly) Oh, Wyatt of little faith. (Zaps up a large black glove in her hands. Smiles) Say hello to the Phantom Glove.

Gary: Phantom Glove? Isn’t that the Star Wars title?

Scampi: I believe that to be ‘Phantom Menace’. (Whispers to Chett) Even I knew that!

Chett: Heh-heh! (Sees Lisa then gets serious) Um, how does it work?

Lisa: First you put it on your left hand.

Chett: (Puts it on. Nothing happens) Now what?

Lisa: You have to adjust the Spectre setting (points to the switch on the side of the glove). Half way ought to do it.

Chett complies and a pocket of air starts to glow right next to the glove, capturing everyone’s attention.

Lisa: (To Scampi) That part is for you. (Smiles) Go ahead, stick your ghostly hand in.

Scampi sticks his hand in the glowing pocket and the entire gloved area glows brighter and gets blurry. Finally, Scampi’s hand gets completely absorbed into Chett’s hand, as the glowing stops and only 1 black glove remains, with 2 forearms sticking out of it; one real and one ghostly.

Chett: (Moving his fingers) It feels all tingly.

Lisa: That’s the Chiral effect. A mismatch between your left hand and Guardian Scampi’s right.

Gary: (Teasing with a smile) Holding hands in the principal’s office?

Wyatt: (Rubbing his two index fingers, trying not to laugh) Shame, shame…

Chett: (Annoyed) Well aren’t you 2 a couple of jesters!

Scampi: You’re all missing the obvious, here! (Excited) Chester, hand me a pen!

Chett smiles, grabs a pen with his right hand and gives it to his left glove. Everyone anxiously looks on as Scampi controls Chett’s gloved hand, brings the pen to the desk, and proceeds to sign the recommendation letter.

Scampi: (Overjoyed) Hahahahh!! (Releases the pen and picks up the papers with the glove) Take a look at that! (Shows everyone) Signed, sealed, …

Chett: (Thrilled) …and to be delivered! (Aside) In your face, Dr. Schiller!

Lisa: Don’t you mean Dr. Willard?

Chett: Yeah, yeah. (Sincere) Look, thanks a lot you guys.

Scampi: (To Lisa) I must admit I was a little skeptical, Miss Lisa, but then I realized you must have attained a certain expertise in magic from all these years.

Lisa: Well, actually this was my first attempt at merging a guardian with the real plane. I’m just glad you didn’t totally dissipate!

Scampi: Ah yes, (gulps) well I’ve got to extend my gratitude. Boys, let me shake your hand! (Reaches out to Gary with the Phantom glove, pulling on Chett’s arm in the process)

Chett: (Yanked) Hey, you wanna shake hands with Booger-Boy and Skank-Weed? (Looks at Scampi) Well okay. Put ‘er there, Gary. (Shakes Gary’s hand but squeezes extra hard)

Gary: Ow-ow-owww!! (Pulls his hand back in agony)

Chett: Heh-heh! That’s for the wise-cracks, Flea-Bit!

Scampi: Oh, Chester. (Turns to Lisa) And I know just how to thank you.

Reaches his hand to the filing cabinet, still joined with Chett, and takes out a merit award. He grabs the pen, fills it out, then shows Lisa.

Scampi: This award has your name on it, and shall be displayed out on the merit wall; for your excellence in science. (Adds) No matter how weird it is.

Lisa: (Flattered) An award? For me?! (To Gary and Wyatt. Angry) How come you nonstop-wishers never gave me an award?!

Chett: (To Scampi) This is all nice, but can I have my hand back, now?

Scampi: (Gets an idea) In fact, I know just what to do next.

Chett: Uh-oh…

Cut to later on as Guardian Scampi is signing more documents at the desk, while Chett is sitting on the chair with his arm extended into the glove. Chett looks tired, as do Lisa, Gary, and Wyatt.

Scampi: Done with that one. (Opens an empty drawer, then looks around the room) Oh miss Lisa, would you be so kind as to zapping up some more Christmas cards? I seem to have run out.

Chett: Oh that’s it! (Gets up angry) You’ve spent the past 2 hours filling out awards and writing Christmas cards to half the state!

Scampi: They’re my family. Yours, too!

Chett: I don’t care! It’s getting late and I want my hand back! (Pulls his hand)

Scampi: (Patience wearing thin) Chester, Learn to share.

Chett: (Tugs on glove) No! Mine!

Scampi: (Tugs on glove) Chester!

Chett: (Tugs on glove) Gimme!!

Lisa: (To Gary and Wyatt) You know something? This is the first time I can actually see those 2 being related!

Chett: Oh, the gloves are off! (Brings his free hand over to the Phantom glove, with Scampi still attached) At least it will be after I kick you out. (In an obnoxious voice) Asta LaVista, Scampi! (Switches the Spectre setting all the way)

Lisa: (Yells) Chett, you bone-head! You just set it to maximum tolerance!

The glove starts to glow again, with Chett standing on the left and Scampi on the right. This time the glowing spreads and engulphs both men in blue electricity. Chett and Scampi look at each other in fear, as they start to vibrate, then phase right through each other to opposite sides. Now Scampi is on the left and Chett on the right, as they continue to vibrate as the noise grows louder and the glow turns brighter.

Gary: (Scared. To Lisa and Wyatt) I think that desk has a hiding place under it with our names on it!

Lisa and Wyatt: Right behind you!

Lisa, Gary, and Wyatt run behind the desk and duck just in time to avoid the blinding flash from the Phantom glove. The glowing noise is gone as they peer over the desk and see Chett wearing the smoking glove alone, with no signs of Scampi. They look at each other with silent concern.

The screen fades out for the episode's third break.

 

The screen fades into the Farber principal’s office. Lisa, Gary, and Wyatt get up from behind the desk and stare at Chett, who appears to be startled but uninjured, despite the last residue of smoke clearing away from him.

Wyatt: Chett, are you okay?

Chett doesn’t answer as he’s too busy focusing around himself.

Gary: What happened to Scampi?

Lisa: (Worried) I don’t know. The maximum tolerance setting may have been too much, and ejected him from our reality!

Gary: (To Lisa) I take it that’s the ‘total dissipation’ you were worried about?

Lisa nods her head and remains silent. Chett takes a step forward and looks at them.

Chett: (In a sophisticated manner) It appears, Miss Lisa, that your Phantom Glove was successful after all. (Looks at his arms and legs) Evidently, total absorption has been attained.

Lisa, Gary, and Wyatt quickly look at each other then back to Chett.

Wyatt: (Worried) Guardian Scampi, is that you in there?!!

Chett: (Confidently) That’s PRINCIPAL Scampi, now!

To Be Continued...

Cut to closing credits. Weird Science music starts as the outside of an unfamiliar house is shown. An unknown man in his 40’s takes an envelope out of the mailbox and opens it to reveal a Christmas card. As he opens the card, we hear Guardian Scampi’s voice-over for what is written.

Scampi: (Voice-over) Merry early Christmas, Cousin Russell. It’s been a long time. I hope all is fine with you and your dog Sniffles. How’s your vacuum band coming along? Have you released any new CD’s this decade? I’ve somewhat retired from being Principal, but I still hang around the school. I don’t listen to Michael Jackson quite as much as I used to, although I am wearing a glove right now! Do you still watch old reruns of ‘Hunter’? I still can’t get over the time you called yourself collect; what a riot! Although, 1 student did give me the guffaw of a lifetime! I must bid you farewell, now, as I have a lot more cards to write. Love, your 4th cousin’s nephew-in-law, twice removed, Clive R. Scampi.

Russell: (Stares at the card) Who????

Russell shrugs his shoulders, throws the card into the recycling box, and walks off.

 

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