Weird Science: Fanfiction

TV PG

Season 6, Episode 5:
"Hot Commodity"

"You make man…"
"No, Woman."
"Woman?"

Gary and Wyatt look at each other as the Weird Science song starts, showing the following scenes (note- 'S6!' means a new scene from season 6):

-The keyboard 'Enter' button is pressed
-Weird Science logo
-Lightning strikes the house
-Lisa created
-View of Lisa, moving up
-Gary and Wyatt travel through the dream gate
-Bazooka boys forming
-Catwoman Lisa
-Gary's poet within is zapped out right next to him
-With Lisa, Gary, and Wyatt in the background, Chett does the disco dance of innocence and his arm flies off
-Lisa blows magic kiss to Wyatt

Michael Manasseri clips
-Old West Wyatt gets pulled through the time warp
-(S6!) Falls down into an island lagoon
-Turns into nightmare id monster
-Head gets pulled off
-(S6!) In pajamas, with wet hair, gets zapped by Lisa into day clothes and dry hair

John Mallory Asher clips
-(S6!) Swings a frustrated fist in a black and white scene
-(S6!) About to bite an apple as it gets zapped into a remote control
-Lisa's finger touches his head, zapping him a super large brain
-Beams down inside Farber High with Tetrahydrozaline

Lee Tergeson clips
-Playing the piano on Groundhog Day
-Buccaneer hat placed on his head zaps him into the Pirate King
-Fighting Principal Scampi as the room flashes with yellow electricity
-(S6!) As suited Principal, gets face slapped
-Jumps down from ceiling as secret agent wearing black outfit

Vanessa Angel clips
-(S6!) Wearing a Scooby Doo T-shirt on a tropical island, zaps up a compass in her hand
-Carefully enters a dark cave, carrying a 'light saber' glowing stick
-Tiger on grave morphs into Lisa wearing a tiger-print dress
-Wearing glasses and suit disguised as a school teacher
-Large grinning close-up

- Gary and Wyatt in tuxedoes rocket up wearing jetpacks - Lisa, Gary, Wyatt, and Chett are all wearing earphones, singing around a microphone - (S6!) Lisa with her arms around Gary and Wyatt, zaps them and all 3 disappear - Black & white Dr. Frankenstein "She's alive! Alive!"

 

Scene opens to outside shot of the Donnelly residence. Inside, a young brunette with short hair is finishing off a plate of pancakes at the dining table. Although her eyes seem unusually close together and nose unusually small, she still looks very pretty. The view zooms out to show Wyatt, Marcia, and Wayne Donnelly sitting at the same table, as well as Gary.

HOT COMMODITY

Written by:
Meesum Abidi (J.L.)

Marcia gets up and clears some dishes away.

Brunette: (Smiling almost ear to ear. Familiar voice) That breakfast was delicious, Mrs. Donnelly.

Marcia: Oh, you can thank Wyatt’s aunt Jemimah for that.(Chuckles)

Brunette: (Looks at Wyatt) Wyatt, you didn’t tell me you have an aunt Jemimah.

Wyatt: Well, uhhh…(quickly looks at Gary)

Gary suddenly looks at the girl, then to the Donnellys.

Gary: (Laughs) Hah-hah, what a kidder! That’s why I love her!

Wayne: (Grabs his briefcase) We’d best be heading to the airport. Was nice meeting you, Tetris.

Brunette: That’s Tetra.

Marcia: Ah yes, Tetra. Congratulations once again, you two, I’m sure Emily must be proud of you, Gary. Maybe you can rub off on my son some day. (Looks at Wyatt) I vaguely remember you hanging out with a beautiful tall blonde…once?

Wyatt: (Waves to his parents by the door) Bye Mom, Dad. Have a good trip.

Wayne and Marcia walk out of the house and close the door behind them, in an outside view.

Wayne: (Looks straight ahead) Teen marriage and Gary Wallace?

Marcia: (Shakes her head) I give ‘em 2 months max.

Inside, Tetra activates her right-gray bracelet, which morphs her back into her alien appearance.

Gary: Nice choice of human form. It really captures your alien features.

Wyatt: (To Tetrahydroazline) So, what did you think of my parents?

Lisa zaps into the room, holding a photo album.

Lisa: Pretty short memories, they’ve got! (Starts flipping through the pages) Surely they’ve seen me more than once.

Wyatt: I was talking to Tetra, as she just met them.

Lisa: (Zaps away the album) Speaking of which, (turns to Tetra) did you finally meet your inter-planetary-in-laws?

Tetra: Yes, we all had dinner last night. It was rather pleasant.

Wyatt: You mean, they didn’t freak out that you’re an alien?

Gary: My mother was too overcome with joy that I’m married, to care about ethnic backgrounds.

Lisa: And you’re dad?

Gary: He almost blew a fuse when I told him I married an alien. But after seeing Tetra, he was relieved that I wasn’t harboring an illegal alien from across the border.

Tetra: And from then on it was one big wagon wheel.

Wyatt: (Looks confused, then understands) Oh, you must mean ‘welcome wagon’.

Tetra: Yes, that’s it!

Gary: (Sounds down) Well at least one of us got the friendly treatment.

Lisa: What are you crying about?

Gary: I’m going back to school today and I’m not looking forward to the reception.

Lisa: But weren’t you a hero the last time you were there?

Gary: You’d think! But now that the whole school is conveniently confused about the whole alien encounter, who knows how they’ll treat me. And with all the tests I missed over the past few weeks, even the teachers are gonna be on my case.

Lisa: You want to feel welcomed on your first day back at school? Allow the genie to take care of it.

Lisa zaps the air around Gary with both hands, creating an electric blue ribbon that encircles him, then disappears. Gary, Wyatt, and Tetra look at each other.

Gary: What just happened?

Lisa: You’ll see.

Screen zooms in on Lisa, with a big smile on her face.

Cut to Farber High. Gary and Wyatt are at their lockers, when a figure wearing a suit grabs their shoulders, turning them both turn around.

Chett: How nice of you to join us, ladies! (Commanding) My office, now!

Cut to the principal’s office.

Wyatt: Shouldn’t we be in homeroom?

Chett: Sit! (Sits down as well. Looks at Gary) Let me cut to the chase. It seems you’ve missed quite a few important tests during your marital promenade across the galaxy. The teachers are saying you may not graduate.

Gary: What?! You’re the principal, Chett. Can’t you do anything?

Chett: Well, sure I can. (Gets his mischievous smile) But I don’t have to, hah-hah-hah! Go see the guidance counselor!

Wyatt: (Gets excited) Miss White-hot?!

Chett: (To Gary) Now don’t get any ideas, Spam-Chowder; you’re a married man! (Stands up) But if you, uh…happen to sneak a peek, you know who to come to with the details, (leans closer) capice?

Cut to Gary knocking on the guidance council office. The young, beautiful Miss White opens the door.

Gary: (Kind of nervous) Miss White? Hi, I’m Gary Wallace, and I’ve been away…

Ms. White: (Cuts him off) Gary, I’ve been expecting you. Do come in.

Gary enters the office.

Ms. White: (Smiles) And Gary, please, (closes the door) call me Neve.

Gary’s eyes pop open, his mouth drops, and his poofy hair poofs as he gasps in shock.

The screen fades out for the episode's first break.

 

The screen fades into a Farber High corridor, where Wyatt walks out from class. Gary comes up and meets him.

Wyatt: So Gary, (trying to hide his excitement) how was Miss White?!

Gary: Surprisingly friendly; too friendly. She promised her best effort at convincing the teachers into giving my grades another chance; and she insisted I call her ‘Neve’.

Wyatt: (Surprised) Really? Man, why couldn’t my grades be low enough for a counseling session?

Just then a group of cheerleaders appear. They walk past Wyatt, ignoring him.

Head Cheerleader: (Perky) Gary! Where have you been?

Gary: (Looks uncomfortably at the girls surrounding him) Uh, on my honeymoon.

Head Cheerleader: (Smiling) Well we’ve missed you over these past few weeks.

Gary: Come again?

Head Cheerleader: (Perky) Why don’t you come see our practice today?! (Extra perky) We came up with 4 new cheers during your absence!!!

Gary and Wyatt stand motionless, watching the cheerleaders walking off. Then they turn to each other.

Wyatt: (Envious) How in the world did you manage that?!

Gary: (Thinks about it) We don’t need to search the world for the answer, Wyatt, just your computer. More precisely, the woman living in your computer.

Cut to the Donnelly residence. Gary and Wyatt enter and approach Lisa, who’s watching tv.

Lisa: So, (casually) how was school?

Gary: (Outraged) How was school?! I think you overdid it with that welcome wish!

Lisa: Well, (being bashful in modesty) nothing's too good for our Gary.

Wyatt: (Displeased) Lisa, he happens to be a married man. You didn't have to make him a complete babe-magnet! Of course, (hopeful) that could be a fun wish for me.

Lisa: Babe-magnet? Any of you two?! (Laughs) Hah! Quit pulling my cyber-leg!

Gary: Seriously, that wasn’t your doing? (Surprised) Then what about the welcome wish?

Lisa: Didn't you see it? I had your homeroom desk decorated with a big blue bow and streamer.

Cut to a shot of Gary's desk. A large bow covers the top, and a 'Welcome Back' streamer hangs from the chair. Cut back to the gang at Wyatt's house.

Gary: A welcome bow?! (Offended) That's what you almost consider too good for me?!

Lisa: Well, it was a pretty big bow!

Gary and Wyatt look expressionless.

Lisa: Fortunately, I made it un-flattenable, so you'll get to see it tomorrow.

Gary: (Sarcastic) How peachy. Tomorrow I’ve got a pretty bow to look forward to, as well as unexplained, over-friendly girls at school.

Lisa: (Anxious) I’ll tell you what I’ve got to look forward to! Tomorrow I’m going to teach Tetra how to jump!

Wyatt: (To Gary) Look, it’s gotta be a welcome back prank. It’s the only explanation.

Gary looks concerned and somehow doubtful.

Cut to Farber High, the next morning. The bell rings as Gary walks down a corridor, as Chett’s arm comes in front of him and stops him.

Chett: (Pointing his thumb towards his office) You know the drill.

Cut to Gary once again in the principal’s office.

Chett: Well, well, Wallace. Seems you somehow managed to get Miss White to convince all your teachers to let your absence slide.

Gary: (Smiles in relief) Son-of-a-gun! (Looks back to Chett) What can I say, some of us are just born more charming than others, (imitating Chett) capice?

Chett: (Confidently) I wouldn't use that word yet, Skank-Weed. Turns out one teacher wasn't so easily schemed. (Smiles) One Mister Wilkinson.

Gary: (Gulps) M..Mr. Wilkinson?

Chett: That's right, Scooper-Loser! He came to me suggesting you write a make-up test next week covering all the material you missed in his economics class. But I said no. (Gets his evil smile) I instisted you write it THIS week, hah-hah-hah!!!

Gary: (Worried) What?! Chett, how...how could you do this?

Chett: Simple, Slam-Chunk! Revenge. On all that you, my dirt-bag brother, and Lisa did to me over the years before I got my brain chalice. (Nods his head) Oh yeah, don't think I don't remember everything I don't remember.

Gary: That makes no sense!

Chett: (In control) It doesn't have to. All that matters is you're gonna be taking a killer test; all because I said so.

Gary: (Defiant) Oh yeah? Who died and made you principal?!

Guardian Scampi appears and stares at Gary.

Gary: (Shrugs) Sorry.

The screen fades out for the episode's second commercial break.

 

The screen fades into a Farber High corridor. Wyatt is searching through his locker while Gary is pacing around nervously.

Gary: Man, this bites! I'll never pass my make-up test!

Wyatt: Come on, relax. (Hands Gary a binder) Here’re my notes from Wilkinson’s class. You know I’ll help you study, and Lisa can, too.

Gary: (Slightly relieved) Thanks, Wy.

Wyatt: (Closes locker and looks at Gary questioningly) So what did Lisa mean by teaching your wife how to jump?

Gary: Come on, you know women.

Wyatt: (Shakes his head) No. And neither do you.

Gary: Whatever. Anyway, it must be some girly jump game like hopscotch or something.

Cut to Lisa wearing goggles and a ski outfit, somewhere outside in a snowstorm.

Lisa: (Yelling through the wind) Ready?! You’re gonna love this!

Lisa starts skiing down a steep slope, with Tetrahydrozaline following her. Tetra is also on skis, wearing a ski outfit, and a mono-goggle over her single eye.

Tetra: (Yelling) Remind me, Lisa! Why are we doing this again?!

Lisa: (Yelling) For the thrill! A real adrenaline rush! (Gaining considerable speed) Or in my case, an electric surge!

Tetra: (Yelling) And in my case, a cosmic (caught off guard at the apex) chILLL?!!!!!

Lisa and Tetra go flying off an olympic-size ski jump.

Tetra: (Wobbling through the air. Yelling) Whaa, whoo, whaa!

Lisa: (Soaring gracefully. Yelling) Enjoy the ride!

Suddenly, an electric-blue circle opens in the fabric of air, into a deep, swirling-orange, genie warp gate. Lisa and Tetra fly inside of it.

Cut to Wyatt’s room, where the warp gate opens up on the ceiling. Lisa and Tetra fall through, now in their regular clothes but still wearing the ski-goggles, and down onto Wyatt’s bed, bouncing comfortably. Lisa sits up, takes off the goggles, and shakes her hair.

Lisa: (No longer yelling) Whoo! Like that, Tetra?

Tetra: (Sits up) That was incredible! (Takes off mono-goggle, hanging it below her eye, around her nose) I wish my planet was as advanced.

Lisa: (Stunned) What? You have extensive inter-galactic transport vessels, your species has conquered half your solar system, (points to her wrist) and you’ve got that cool morphing bracelet! And you wish your planet was AS advanced?

Tetra: I meant in extreme games.

Lisa: Of course. (Smiles) Can’t beat the humans in that.

Cut to a Farber High classroom. Paula Sparks is sitting behind Gary.

Paula: (Leans forward, smiling wide) So Gary, how about (points finger) you and me going to see that new Schwarzeneger film?

Gary: (Turns around, surprised) You? Me? (Excited) Arnold slicing heads?! Sure! How 'bout...(shifts away from her) wait a minute, I'm a married man!

Paula: (Disappointed) Come on, you make it sound so permanent.

Gary: (Offended) It is permanent! (Decisively turns away, facing forward) No-way, movie's off.

Paula: (Teasing) Oh, Gary! (Leans back to her chair, as the final bell rings)

Cut to Gary standing in front of the whole gang at Wyatt's living room.

Gary: It's not fair! All my years in high school, girls ignored me; but now they're all over me!

Chett: (Walks into the room) And you're complaining about...?

Wyatt: Maybe being the hero of the encounter really did make you a babe-magnet, like you had figured.

Gary: No. You saw the cheerleaders on Groundhog day; they weren't gonna honour it!

Tetra: Honour, honey?

Gary: The code that the hero gets major babe-age at the end.

Chett: (To Tetra) Don't they have 'The Code' on your planet?

Tetra: And just who came up with this code?

Wyatt: Guys like us... who aren't married.

Lisa: Of course! (Gets up) It's not because you're the hero that they're after you, Gary. It's because you're married.

Gary: (Puzzled) Come again?

Lisa: When you were single, you were available. The girls knew it so they took you for granted.

Chett: Aint that an understatement.

Lisa: But now that you're married, you're taken. They can't have you, so your value has gone way up, and so has their demand. It's simple supply and demand.

Gary: Yes. I see! (Excited) Son-of-a-gun, I finally understand!

Wyatt: (Anxious) What? Women?!

Gary: No, economics! I understand economics! (Raises his arms in the air) Hah, I can't believe it!

The screen fades out for the episode's third break.

 

The screen fades in to a Farber High classroom. Wyatt walks in through the open door as Gary is sitting alone at a desk, smiling at a paper in front of him.

Wyatt: So how’d you do?

Gary: (Jumps up, enthused) I passed! (Shows his paper graded in red ink) Official and everything!

Wyatt: (Smiles) Congrats! I guess there’s just one thing left to do.

Cut to the corridor. Gary puts his arm around Wyatt’s shoulder, and stretches his other arm out in front.

Gary: (Walking) You know, Wy, it’s been a tough week. (Turns a corner) What say you we go (stops suddenly) celebrate?

The guys come to a halt as a dozen girls block the hallway waiting. Various smiles are formed on some girls’ faces while some others toss their hair to look their best. Before any can speak, Gary steps forward.

Gary: (Fed up) Look, for the last time I’m married! Not interested! Elvis has left the building!!!

Wyatt: (Whispers) More like, Ernest.

Gary turns his head to face Wyatt, with an angry look. Just then a cute brunette with short hair walks through the row of girls, comes to stand next to Gary, and faces the other girls with an angry look in her close-set eyes. She has a tiny nose and is wearing a gray colored jogging suit.

Tetra: (In human form) This is your first and last warning. Stay away from my husband!

Gary gets excited at his wife’s sudden aggressiveness. An unfamiliar red-head, from the group of girls, steps up to Tetra.

Red Head: (Mean attitude) I haven’t seen you around school, honey, but Gary belongs to us Farber girls! (Taller than Tetra, looking down) You wanna lay claim? You gonna have to fight for him!

Tetra: (With a confident smile) As you wish.

Tetra gives the red-head a fast upper-cut punch to the jaw, knocking her down. The girl lands unconscious.

Tetra: (Without a sweat) Some girls just have to learn the hard way, (looks at the other girls) Ka-Feesh?

Wyatt: That’s ‘capice’.

Tetra: (Frowns) Shut up!

Wyatt backs away with a scared look. Still, he can’t help but smile. The other school girls run off, scared.

Tetra: (Smiles again) And that's the end of that.

Gary: (Leans down to the fallen girl) You okay?

As she sits up, a blue genie flash appears, changing her back to Lisa, in a pony-tail, wearing extra large red boxing shorts and jersey, and protective head gear. Gary helps her up, and she unbuckles the chin-strap, and rubs her jaw.

Lisa: That was quite the punch, even if we were just acting. (Manages a smile) Ultimate Farber fighting. Think it could be a hit?

Tetra: (Touches her bracelet and morphs back to her real self) Extreme!

Gary and Wyatt smile in relief as the screen fades out.

Cut to closing credits. Weird Science music starts as Gary’s homeroom desk is shown with the ‘Welcome Back’ bow in full bloom. A student sits down in the chair.

Cut to the bell ringing and the student gets up; the bow is still intact. Another student sits down at the desk, the scene cuts to the bell ringing again, and the student gets up.

Several clips are shown of various students repeating the sit-bell-get up routine, without any depreciation to the bow.

Cut to Gary and Lisa walk into the empty class and up to the desk. Lisa is still wearing her boxing outfit. The welcome bow is totally flattened.

Gary: This was the big bad indestructible bow?

Lisa: (Points to the bow’s underside) Check the expiry.

Gary turns over the thick flat strip to reveal a tag.

Gary: (Reads) 15 sits maximum?

A digital counter under it shows the number 15.

Lisa: Tough luck, bow-boy. You snooze, you lose.

Gary looks disappointed as they both walk off.

 

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