Weird Science: Fanfiction

TV G

Season 6, Episode 4:
"Dukes of Farber"

"You make man…"
"No, Woman."
"Woman?"

Gary and Wyatt look at each other as the Weird Science song starts, showing the following scenes (note- 'S6!' means a new scene from season 6):

-The keyboard 'Enter' button is pressed
-Weird Science logo
-Lightning strikes the house
-Lisa created
-View of Lisa, moving up
-Gary and Wyatt travel through the dream gate
-Bazooka boys forming
-Catwoman Lisa
-Gary's poet within is zapped out right next to him
-With Lisa, Gary, and Wyatt in the background, Chett does the disco dance of innocence and his arm flies off
-Lisa blows magic kiss to Wyatt

Michael Manasseri clips
-Old West Wyatt gets pulled through the time warp
-(S6!) Falls down into an island lagoon
-Turns into nightmare id monster
-Head gets pulled off
-(S6!) In pajamas, with wet hair, gets zapped by Lisa into day clothes and dry hair

John Mallory Asher clips
-(S6!) Swings a frustrated fist in a black and white scene
-(S6!) About to bite an apple as it gets zapped into a remote control
-Lisa's finger touches his head, zapping him a super large brain
-Beams down inside Farber High with Tetrahydrozaline

Lee Tergeson clips
-Playing the piano on Groundhog Day
-Buccaneer hat placed on his head zaps him into the Pirate King
-Fighting Principal Scampi as the room flashes with yellow electricity
-(S6!) As suited Principal, gets face slapped
-Jumps down from ceiling as secret agent wearing black outfit

Vanessa Angel clips
-(S6!) Wearing a Scooby Doo T-shirt on a tropical island, zaps up a compass in her hand
-Carefully enters a dark cave, carrying a 'light saber' glowing stick
-Tiger on grave morphs into Lisa wearing a tiger-print dress
-Wearing glasses and suit disguised as a school teacher
-Large grinning close-up

- Gary and Wyatt in tuxedoes rocket up wearing jetpacks - Lisa, Gary, Wyatt, and Chett are all wearing earphones, singing around a microphone - (S6!) Lisa with her arms around Gary and Wyatt, zaps them and all 3 disappear - Black & white Dr. Frankenstein "She's alive! Alive!"

 

The screen fades as Lisa is sitting on Wyatt's bed thumbing through the TV Guide while Wyatt was getting dressed.

DUKES OF FARBER

Story by:
Bunny

Teleplay by:
Bunny & WeirdScience.Net!

Lisa: Hey, Wy?

Wyatt: (from closet) What?

Lisa: (cajolingly) Skip school today.

Wyatt: (comes out of closet, buttoning his shirt) Are you nuts?

Lisa: What? You've got about 5 sick days left...

Wyatt: Chett is the principal now... I won't be able to get away with anything anymore!

Lisa: (pouting) But... there's a "Dukes of Hazzard" marathon that comes on in an hour! It's more fun with company!

Wyatt: (rolls his eyes) Look, tell you what... today should be an easy day since we have an assembly this afternoon at noon. I'll skip it and come home early, if you can zap me out of there without anyone noticing.  It'll probably be boring anyway....

Lisa: Sure! What time again? Noon?

Wyatt: Yeah. At NOON -- Not a minute sooner though...

Suddenly, they hear footsteps approaching...

Chett: (pokes his head in the room, annoyed) Get a move on!

Wyatt: (incredulously) What do you care if I'm a little late?

Chett: I'm the new principal... if my kid-brother won't come on time, it won't look right.

Wyatt laughs.

Chett: What's so funny?

Wyatt: You... who'd've thought you'd actually take this job so seriously?

Chett: (grabs the back of his neck and guides him out of the room) C'mon... I'll give ya a ride.

An hour later...

Lisa: (sitting alone in Wyatt's room, eating popcorn) Man, this show rocks.

From the TV you can hear the theme & Bo's "yee-haw!" as the General makes a jump.

Lisa: I wish we could do cool stuff like that!

Suddenly, the room is transformed and takes on a more "countrish" appeal.

Lisa: Uh-oh!

Screen fades out for the episode's first commercial break...

Fades back in as she gets up and walks to the mirror and notices that she is now wearing short-shorts, a tank-top, and spike-heels. Her hair is also in pigtails.

Lisa: (admiring herself) Hmmm... Not bad... Well, I'd better fix this before Wyatt gets home---

She broke off, noticing her voice had taken on a decidedly southern twang. Then, when she tried to zap it all back, she realized she couldn't!

Lisa: Oh, man! My zapper's busted!

Calming down, remembering her wishes usually wore off after a few days or hours, she shrugged & decided to ride it out. When she walked outside, she saw Chett and Wyatt, shirtless, working on... The General Lee!

Lisa: (hesitantly) Hi guys.

Chett: (looks up & gives her pigtail an affectionate tweak) Hey, cuz.

Wyatt: (smiles up at her) Hey, Lis.

Lisa noticed that they had developed southern accents, too.

Lisa: (confusedly thinking to herself) Cuz?... Oh! I zapped us into the characters... sorta!

Suddenly, a man in a white 3-piece suit & 10-gallon stetson approached. Chett & Wyatt straightened up and grabbed towels to wipe the motor-oil & grease off their hands. Lisa noticed how good they looked, all buff  and topless, wearing blue jeans...

Lisa: (admonishing herself in her head) Geez...chill, Lis! They're supposed to be your cousin's for right now for goodness sakes!

Chett: (taking on the tone he used to use on Principal Scampi) Well, well.. .Boss Wallace.

Lisa looked up, shocked, to see Gary's dad! More shocking were the guarded looks they had with him.

Wyatt: What do you want?

Boss Wallace: Your mortgage is comin' due...

Chett: (annoyed) We've still got a week!

Boss Wallace: Well... (glances at Lisa) Have you considered my offer, Sugar?

Lisa: Um... offer?

Boss Wallace: To work for me.

Wyatt: (pulls Lisa protectively behind him) Our cousin ain't never workin' for you!

Chett: (icily) I would suggest you leave now.

Boss Wallace: I'm goin'. (tips his hat to Lisa) Until next time, beautiful. (leaves)

Lisa shudders involuntarily.

Wyatt: (concerned)You okay?

Lisa: (distractedly) Um, uh-huh.

Chett: Don't worry, we'll get the money.

Lisa: How?

Chett: (shrugs) We'll think of somethin'.

Lisa: (racks her brains for memories of the show) Is there any kind of big race anytime soon?

Wyatt: (looks at her strangely) Not for another month.

Lisa: Oh, yeah... that's right...

Chett & Wyatt exchange glances.

Chett: (gently)Um, Lisa... let's get inside... too hot out here...

They go in. A few hours later, Chett comes in with a flyer.

Chett: (excited) Look at this, y'all!

Lisa: What?

Chett hands her the flyer.

Lisa: Amateur singing contest?

Wyatt: First prize... $500!

Chett: You'll win for sure, Lis!

Lisa: Really? Ya think?

Wyatt: Of course. You've got the prettiest voice in Farber.

Lisa: Well... okay!

Wyatt & Chett: Great!

Wyatt: We can go ahead and pay Boss off 3 whole days early, right after you win.

Lisa: Yeah... no pressure or anything.

Wyatt: Sorry... Don't worry, you'll be great!

Chett: We'll go tomorrow and enter you in the contest.

The next morning, they walked into Boss Wallace's bar, "The Dodo's Nest".

Boss Wallace: Well, well, if it ain't the Donnelly boys... and sweet Lisa...

Chett: (making no effort to hide his annoyance) We're here to enter Lisa in the contest.

Boss Wallace: Well, then, fill this out. (hands a form to Lisa) Just leave it on my desk. (leaves)

Lisa quickly fills out the form.

Lisa: (hands form to Wyatt) Here. I'm done. Be back in a minute.

Chett: Where ya goin'?

Lisa: Ladies room. Get me a drink, will ya?

Chett & Wyatt go to a table and order drinks. Suddenly, in the background, they hear...

Lisa: Hey buddy! Get your paws off!

Rolf: No, I don't think so. You'd make a good wife---

Wyatt: Not really, she can be kinda messy.

Chett: Let go.

Rolf: Aw, c'mon, guys. I need a wife to take back to the hills.

Wyatt: Well, it doesn't have to be our cousin!

Chett: (without removing his gaze from Rolf) Wyatt, take Lisa outside. I'll meet y'all in a minute.

Wyatt: But---

Chett: Now!

As Chett's tone left no room for argument, Lisa & Wyatt ran outside. They winced as they heard crashing and breaking. Presently, though, a self-satisfied Chett came out without a scratch.

Chett: Let's go, kids!

They lifted Lisa into the General Lee, then they slid in, honking that dixiehorn & speeding off as the screen fades out for the second commercial break....

The Screen fades in to the next night, at "The Dodo's Nest". Chett & Wyatt are sitting at the bar (but turned facing the stage) when Lisa comes onstage. She has her hair all teased out like Daisy Duke wore it, and a dress like Marylin Monroe.

Lisa: (singing)
I don't know what London is like.
I've never seen Venice at night.
I don't travel all over the world,
'cause life here's the greatest,
I'm gonna stay just a down-home american girl.
They tell me that Rio's real fine.
In France, they've got romance and wine.
Here in our part of the world,
life is the sweetest,
and I wanna be just a down-home american girl.
The stars are all the glitter I need to see.
The moon's the only kind of bright-light for me.
There's music in the summer wind through the trees.
And home's the only place that I wanna be.
I've never been near Amsterdam.
I don't have a satch of paytan.
I don't travel all over the world.
'Cause life here's the greatest,
and I'm gonna stay just a down-home american girl.
A down-home american girl.
A down-home american girl.

After the contest, they announced Lisa the winner. She handed Boss Wallace the money they owed, and he seemed slightly disappointed that they got it in time. A few minutes later, when they went outside to leave...

Lisa: Oh,shoot! I forgot my purse! Be right back! (scurries inside)

Chett & Wyatt waited about 10 minutes, they went inside to retrieve Lisa.

Wyatt: She probably ran into somebody and's in there talkin'.

Chett: (chuckles)Yeah, chicks are like that.

But, when they got inside, Lisa was nowhere to be found.

Wyatt: (grabbing Boss Wallace by the lapels) Where's Lisa?

Boss Wallace: Well...I did see her talkin' to that Rolf feller---

Chett and Wyatt run out frantically and speed off in the General.

Wyatt: Does anyone know where this guy lives.

Chett: Yah, up in these hills someplace.

Wyatt: (sarcastically) Real specific, Chett!

Chett: Chill! We'll find her. (whispering) We'll find her.

When they get there, Rolf is dragging her towards a preacher. They get out of the car, and Rolf calls his buddies. A huge brawl ensues. Suddenly, as Wyatt lands at Lisa's feet...

Wyatt: (confused) Lisa?What's going on? Why are you dressed that way?

Lisa: (relieved) It wore off! Oh, thank goodness! Don't worry, I'll fix this!

Chett was still fighting. Lisa zaps them all home in a blue lightning-bolt zap special... as the screen fades out for the episode's third commercial break...

Fades back in to the final scene of the episode, while the 'Weird Science' credits are being shown (bottom half of the screen only...) and the theme music from "The Dukes of Hazard" is being played (softly)...

Wyatt & Lisa are sitting in his room, laughing, as she relates their latest "adventure".

Wyatt: (wiping the laughter-tears from his eyes) Oh, boy! Wait'll I tell Gary!... Boss Wallace! (bursts out laughing again)

Meanwhile, downstairs... Chett is roused by an insistant knocking at the door.

Chett: Keep your shorts on, I'm comin'!

Chett opens the door and finds a man claiming to be their Uncle Jesse standing outside...

Jessie: Hi, is this the Donnelly residence?

Chett: Yes. Who are you?

Jessie: I'm your Uncle Jessie....

Chett: (stunned from what he was hearing) What? We don't have an Uncle Jessie...

Jessie: Well, aren't you Bo Donnelly, and don't you have a brother named Luke Donnelly...?

Chett: What?! I'm Chett and I have a brother named Wyatt.... hang on a second, k?

Chett goes upstairs to tell Lisa & Wyatt who are still sitting on the bed. Lisa zaps them some ice-cream.

Lisa: Man,am I glad to be able to do that again!

Chett: Hey Lis, I think you may have forgot to zap our Uncle Jessie back to whereever he came from... because he's right downstairs at the front door now.

Wyatt: Uncle Jessie is here? We don't have an Uncle Jessie... (turns to Lisa) Lisa, what's going on here..?

Lisa: Um.. don't worry guys, I'll fix it. Just a minor little mess up after the "Dukes" wish ended. No biggie...

Lisa points her right hand out with her fingers sticking out glowing with blue electricity as she prepares to zap Jessie back home in Hazzard County to his "real" boys... and the episode ends just as Jessie vanishes in a big blue electricity flash.

 

Developed in Association With:
WeirdScience.Net!
w w w . W e i r d S c i e n c e . N e t

 

 

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